Month of Breaks...

         

First the Car broke down and we had it fixed ... $$$.

Then it was time for the well overdue regular maintenance = more $$$

Then my Stick mixer broke and lucky i had a spare one
but bought a replacement anyway.

Then something of vegetable nature went off - completely dead
and caused a smell the equivalent of a dead rat ... of vegetables
making it impossible to breath - in our just freshly fixed
and done all over Car, so we had it professionally
"deep suction and steam cleaned" = more $$$

Then our new kettle broke, still to be returned and replaced.

And now my spare Stick mixer has a long broken crack
on its main circular part at the base where it takes all the impact.
Still working for now but any day it will spring its surprise.......

As for our frail tempers that have been tested to their extremes
well... they have been broken repeatedly and re-mended with
...sellotape!...Lol!

I wonder what will it be next?... fridge? ( 16 - 17 years old?)

Big Dog

Something to see...

http://gizmodo.com/368651/new-video-of-bigdog-quadruped-robot-is-so-stunning-its-spooky


Warning: It will eat up quite a few MBs from your monthly quota.

If you are on unlimited downloads it is worth a look.

It's funny and spooky as well, i could not stop watching it.

like the donkey

                           

I feel so sick and tired and utterly exhausted in every inch
of each and every dimension of my three dimensional body
that i just want to close my eyes and slip quietly into oblivion
until either all is over or i am... but i still keep fighting
because the day i read a little story something changed deep in me
in the very core where the reserves of strength reside,
even though my mental disposition still remains weak.

I found it very inspiring and it has helped me to keep on going
no matter what, so that i can be here if in no other way
at least by just being here, for my Loved ones.

    * * * I miss my so very much * * *


I am going to record the little story here so that i can read it
as often as i need to and for those of mine that may find it
inspiring too for their hard times.



       




One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well.

The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried
to figure out what to do.

Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be
covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbours to come over and help him.
They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.
At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly.
Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well.
He was astonished at what he saw.
With each shovel of dirt that hit his back,
the donkey was doing something amazing.
He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top
of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.
Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up
over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

MORAL:

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt.
The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off
and take a step up.

Each of our troubles is a steppingstone.

We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping,
and never giving up!

        * * Shake it off and take a step up... * *

The Bell of 'status!'

Me living as always in my own far away planet of thoughts
and Teddy walking around the house barefoot and inaudible
i often end up jumping out of my skin with freight
every time i suddenly discoverer him standing behind me
or coming out of a room i am walking into.

                       

So he volunteered a while back to hang a cat collar with a bell
around his ankle so that i can always be aware of where he is.

Very cute and sexy and much like i have my own ...harem boy
about which we joke a lot, yet i know not many husbands
would do this thing no matter how caring.

No need to say of course that this is a rather special case
because getting scared causes adrenalin to rush into my body
which consequently results in to many days of bleeding.

Sunday while i was getting ready for the pool
he looked rather thoughtful and preoccupied.
I thought it was due to his upcoming trip interstate
but the last minute he surprised me with a decision
to accompany me there for a swim, again so very nice of him.

We arrived early as usual in order to get a good lane
and the pool was still closed with a few regulars
waiting outside already.

On Sundays there is a young lad, a squad swimmer,
who often comes to open the Pool and when he arrived
he walked past us and proceeded to unlock the door.

While he was doing so - and as we were standing behind him
both Teddy and I observed that he was wearing a yellow,
leather like anklet, with brown shapes around his right ankle,
much like a cat collar really because of its shape, width and colour.

It seems that Teddy must have been thinking pretty much
what i was thinking, except that he had noticed something i had not
or rather i had not thought about ...

......and he leaned close to my ear and whispered:

      " He is not married .... ... No Bell! ... "


                   

tossed and turned

                 


I thought 2009 was one of the hardest years in my life
and then i had a small brief respite in the beginning of 2010
- the usual summer improvement i always get to feel -
which i enjoyed and appreciated more than ever before
but alas it did not last very long...

For many weeks now i have been physically tortured
and emotionally and mentally tormented
only because there is no action i can take that does not backfire
in one way or another creating more problems and suffering
for my beleaguered body and tired emotions.

I hate it when i feel that i have no choice...
my mind goes crazy trying to find a solution
-perhaps its way of feeling that it / i have some control
no matter how small.

I have been tossed between feeling either totally defeated
or just caught in a never ending loop which drives me to insanity
and it is only my mind's tendency to split things into levels
and create from each one - and for each one
a detached observer and analyzer that experiences
and expresses the experience in its own way
-through my blogging ...schizonalities-
that saves me from drowning in deep despair.

It is only through this tendency that i can see
that whenever i reach the end of my rope
i discover there is endlessly more to go
and when i am sinking into emotional nothingness
i discover my depths of strength are surprisingly deep
and my resolve to fight back astonishingly strong
so much so that at times i believe that my grave plaque
will be engraved with:

"Our ...near Indestructible Old Lady" Lol!

                    * * *

My mind the Bridge to my Soul

My Liberator

Nowhere to go but here and only here

Here where i feel imprisoned and defeated

Here where i discover at the end of my rope
there is endlessly more to go

Here where i turn my weakness to steely strength
Even as i feel i am melting into nothingness

Here where my defeat turns to the victory
of hope new...

The experiences, the events, and the ways they are felt
The testing grounds and tempering fire
The steel anvil of earth
Where the stars of heaven are created.

And when a tear has finally crystallised
A small diamond has just been created.

                     

nurturing life

     

The new building across our verandah
is now in its final stage of development
and some of the beautification work has started.

A few days back the empty garden space was filled with soil.
There were strong winds for the following two days
and i was sure a lot of the freshly prepared soil
would be blown away and the poor plants
when they were eventually planted
would suffer in that place under the current weather.

Then a gardener came and planted a few very slim
and delicate young trees and some other smaller
and lower to the ground plants.

Later in the evening when all the workers had gone home
it rained and it has rained every day since
and their then dry ground has been nicely wet and rich
and i can tell they are and are looking very perk and happy!

I am happy too because i have a very strong nurturing instinct
when it comes to all young things and i kind of felt unhappy
for the hardship i perceived they would go through
at the start of their lives in their new place.

This somehow made me think back of the times during both
of my pregnancies when a young 'tree' was growing inside me
and the winds were blowing hard and unfriendly
and the visible future looked dry, bleak and unpromising
and the only visible and hard solid promise each time
was that of hardships all the way ...

...and then ...the rains came ...time and time again ....

and softened the blowing of the winds and the dryness of the ground
and our young 'trees' grew steadily and safely over the years
and -i would like to believe- fairly unharmed...

It made me see once again that beyond Today and its limited visibility
and possibly unpromising perception of the Future
there is the real Future unfolding in its own wondrous way
bringing the unseen gifts of Life's benevolence
and often its rich surprises...


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~


(Of course there is an underlying understanding here
that as we are part of Life's expressions
our positive desires and conscious efforts and contributions
are part of the elements that form the matrix from where
the rains and the gifts and some of the surprises come...)

My next Laptop?...if only!

That's the kind of model i had in mind!

Fantasy or reality?

Have a Look at this!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7H0K1k54t6A

good for a day, lol!

Well, that's why JC is my favourite astrologer;

He seems to know things about me

...others may only suspect!


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Virgo, Sunday, 7 February 2010

Week Ahead :

The ancients believed that, sometimes, gods and goddesses
would come down from their dwelling place in the astral realm
and assume a mortal guise.

These days, few of us entertain such grandiose notions.
If such heavenly beings were in our midst, we would notice,
wouldn't we? Not, perhaps, if we actually were one of them.
What if that's who you are - but you have forgotten?

It would explain many things, including the grand drama
now unfolding in your personal life
as if it were some classic tale of lore and legend!

Try acting, this week, as if you have the authority and
charisma of a deity.
For in a way, you really do!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

By Jonathan Cainer
http://www.cainer.com

Nine Years...

Nine Year Milestone!



In the middle of the Ocean
tiny little vessel
i keep sailing towards the deep turbulent
open waters on my life's personal journey. .

There have been small waves, huge waves,
stormy skies, dark nights of tears and despair
silent weeping in the grip of fear
or total surrender to an end
looking so frightfully and unavoidably near.

Nine years!...
since my sudden engagement with Death
and yet i am still here!!!

This is a very significant milestone for me.

If champagne is the modern symbol of celebration
and if i could drink a glass of it, perhaps i would
not so much for the length of time
which in itself is near unbelievable
but for the many many happy events
i was fortunate to witness, be part of
and enjoy throughout this time.

So instead of champagne
with a Fruity Juicy Sweet Mango
i will mark and celebrate:

"The unexpectedly rich and merciful past
(despite its roller coaster ups and downs)
and the unknown yet somewhat optimistic near future!"

Nine Years! ...

Nine extraordinary years considering the circumstances
and way beyond the initial grim announcement
of " 2-5 years maximum!..."

It has taken a lot of strife and sacrifices in every area of my life
and no doubt there will be many more along the way
but it is satisfactory to see that the exchange
has been Life!

Despite Life's difficulties, personal shortcomings and ignorance
in this area which remains still largely untreatable
and very little under control by the specialists
i believe that with the help of Mother Nature's miraculous fruits
i must have been doing Some things Right all along
and this for me is a Personal Triumph
and the only acknowledgement and Trophy for it

is My Life Here and Now...among the Living!

Now!....where is that Mango!!!

reconstructing...

That's me reconstructing "Sun" Lol!

       

Who me?...

I received this message with an attachment from Teddy:

" I've been meaning to send you this photo for some time :)
Reminds me of your fruit drink
and I see it every month when driving to ... !"



Not that i would ever do such thing when enjoying my Fruity!...



************************************************************







*************************************************************


Ok!... maybe!......and maybe i make the sounds that come with it too!

Who could possibly resist?

"Desper...ado!"

Avocados are rather rare during this time of year
but there is a guy at the Redcliffe markets who owns
800 trees and luckily for me he comes there
and i buy some at a rather high price currently.

On Sunday he was not there when we arrived
and the Banana guy told us that he would be
arriving later so we returned home, went swimming
and then back to the markets for avocados.

Going to the markets twice when once is bad enough
to ware both of our bodies and souls out
was because the avocados now constitute the main bone
of my current diet and are more important than even
the bananas or pawpaws.

On the way there i was thinking about
how i was a bit anxious, really hoping to find them
and feeling sort of... "Desperate for Avocados"
which of course made me a real ..."Desper...Ado!"

So now we know the origin of the word 'Desperado!'
-in case any one was wondering!


And that's what a real "Desper ado" looks like

....... after someone has bought a box of it! lol!

Eclipse for a thousand years

Read My Eclipse
Friday, 15 January 2010
Source:NASA



To catch the greatest show on earth today, you'd need to be in Uganda, Kenya, The Maldives, Southern India, Northern Sri Lanka, Myanmar, China's Yunnan and Sichuan provinces or the Shandong peninsula. There, you'd witness a spectacular solar eclipse, where the Moon appears slightly smaller than the Sun, creating a breathtaking ring of fire in the longest annular eclipse for a thousand years. Happily, to benefit from this,
you need not see it. Wherever you are, whatever sign you belong to, there'll come a moment, this weekend, when the 'usual rules'
no longer apply...... in the nicest possible way.


By Jonathan Cainer
http://www.cainer.com

Chinese - - - Really??!!...

Something similar to a Bull and the red colour
happens to me pretty frequently at the markets
when i see...green!

I feel a blind urge to charge!

So last Sunday while wandering among the fruits
and veggies at the Redcliffe markets,
i happened to notice a "Chinese Vegetables" sign
in one of the stalls.

The colour of the bunches was that irresistible fresh green
just like the blood of a young plant
which aroused the fytodracula instinct in me
and i lost all sense of discipline and the strength
to resist either the price or the logic
that i had no idea what the taste might be
or the way they could be eaten.

I simply surrendered and charged!

When i brought them home, it took a while admiring
and salivating before i finally put them in the fridge
and then i seriously started to consider the fact that
i had no idea what the names were or whether they
are supposed to be eaten raw in salad or cooked etc.

Basically i prefer the 100% raw foods so that i get the
maximum benefit of all nutrients, but there are some
that cannot be eaten raw whether i like it or not
so i started a small try with raw in the salad topping
but because i had some small kidney irritation and
could not locate the reason i treated them as suspects
and decided to steam them very very lightly and see
what the result would be in the kidney area or at least
until the real culprit was found.

With the very first forkful my eyes jumped out of their
sockets with a surprised delight and immense pleasure
because the Chinese veggies when cooked turned out to be
no other than my very favourite and very very,
as far as i m concerned ...Greek Vleta!...

I always loved them back then in that other life
but they were only for my father as they were too dear
and even for me later on to ever buy them
in my own little family.

So the experience was absolutely exhilarating
and i intend to repeat it more frequently
until i find their specific name and properties
which of course together with the responses
of my kidneys may put an end on this pleasure too

         

But until then.....Viva la Greek-Chinese Vleta!!!

Finally

Well!...Finally today!...

It was not like i had done all that i had to do
nor that i was exactly in the right mood for it
but rather that like an impatient young lover
wanting it to be just perfect for the first time
yet could not wait for it to happen either!

So ... very impatiently at last, i Ripped it out
of its wrappings and set it up on my lap
and immersed myself in the pleasures of my
very first -and only!- wooden Sudoku Board game!

So happy and excited i was that i managed to set
the initial pieces wrong ...and i could not do it
after two frustrated repeats,
until Teddy suspected and checked it out and found the error.

After that it was down within a few minutes
but it was one of the easiest ones until my brain
gets used to the size of it which is considerably
larger than the notebook ones i was working with.

Additionally i am a bit rusty because after the painful
disappointment of my previous attempt to get one
for my Teddy i stopped playing with it all together
even though i collected and saved very carefully
new ones every week.

Now that two good angels, one in the sky and one on earth
unexpectedly brought it back in my life
i m ready and set for many happy repeats!


Here it is my little toy



Isn't it a little beauty?

Five Years ...

*

Jan 2005 -2010

Five Years...


My world has not and Never will Be without Sonia

*

There is no day that goes by that she is not in my mind.
There is no day i do not speak to her
or look for her image in my head
or feel for her presence like an aura around me.

Yet there are moments that i miss her terribly.
I miss her so much that pain and tears well up and flood me...

A pain so deep that hurts like the burning of a fresh open wound.

I cannot touch her and this hurts...


In the brightness of every Full Moon i often seek her face



In its light i seek her essence
like a light that i can see up in the sky
and a light that i can touch on my skin
and i can feel it bright on my face
as i am looking up to her.

A light that can touch me and wrap itself around me
for just a few seconds a couple of nights every month
when there are no clouds in the sky...

*

Manoula

My heart a Burning Candle in your Memory
and when its flame ends
may it come and rest with you in serenity.

THANKS ! ! !

To All Our Loved Ones

Including All the Ones Overseas:

We Enjoyed Your Visit

And Your Warm and Precious Love

And We ll Derive a Lot of Pleasure

From All Your Terrific Xmas Presents

Throughout the Year!



Mum & Dad

a ...happy pain?

I'm in agonising pain!
Kidneys and Spine...



So much so that i feel ...happy!...

I'm guessing the endorphins must have kicked in.

How else would it be when the only news this morning
was that my swimming pass will go up by $20 to $90

Living is getting expensive, lol! but it is fair value
it keeps me ...living!

Xmas delays

Now we know why ....



Christmas deliveries do not arrive on time!...

Solstice greetings!

Solstice greetings!

We are approaching one of two points in the year
where the Sun seems to stand still on the horizon
rising from the same spot for three days in a row
before 'changing direction'.

This solstice is due to be extra special.

For one thing, by a kind of cosmic coincidence
Mars is also standing still.
That should increase the sense of 'potential for change'.

Then there's the grand finale of this year's
delightful dance between Jupiter and Neptune.
Both planets are near in the zodiac
and near, too, to Chiron, the 'healing' asteroid.

Good times await.

By Jonathan Cainer
http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/horoscopes

here...or there...or there!...

           

I have been so very busy recently
despite how i have been or been feeling healthwise
that i am thinking this little message i have at the top right corner
which says: "If you miss me i will be here"
should have a little addition to it to read...

" ...or there... or there... or there! " lol!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

sunday surprises

Sunday was a fruit market day.

Nothing much to marvel about and just the usual anxiety
to complete the shopping successfully.

On the way out, driving in a careful crawling speed
due to the small entrance and many cars coming and going
about 50m to the exit we saw what it initially
appeared to be a mad tomcat chasing a mad crow
and a mad person standing there with a big smile
trying to get a phone photo!

By the time we got closer though we realised
that the mad tomcat was not a mad tomcat at all
and it was not chasing a mad crow...

It was rather a mad crow...chasing a very cute
baby koala which was trying desperately
to climb up the branches of a tree
and the mad person was as mad as i got with delight
trying to -naturally- capture the moment.

The cutie finally managed to climb safely up
on a very low branch and then set itself watching
the photographer looking much as if it was posing
and thinking: how do i look good like this?

Of course all that was my imagination, it was probably
only wondering what was going on and possibly
a bit relieved to be saved from the crow
as now our car was only inches away
with me jumping up and down in my seat and asking Teddy
'where is your phone! where is your phone!'
Alas his phone was not there...



,

Well that was one nice surprise as i have not seen
a so young koala from so close and especially not
in our neighbourhood. I had seen one many years back
high up on a tree in a Zoo somewhere.

When we went home, Teddy went to his father
for their day out and i got on the internet
to check blogs, news etc and of course read my horoscope
which said:

Someone's kindness touches your heart today;
this is a person who is quite sensitive and caring
towards you but goes the extra mile for you today.
Show your appreciation.

I did not think there was anyone that could really go
the extra mile for me on a Sunday when everyone
was busy and no plans to meet with anyone,
but i liked it and i recorded it.

Later on when Teddy returned home he was carrying
what is usually a bag containing a bargain PC game
for his when he retires library.
I gave him a warm hug and a kiss and i said:
" Well, what have we got here?!...a new ...."
as i was searching for the words in that empty brain
he helpfully completed my sentence: '..a PC game..."
I said 'yes, thats what i was going to say.'

He then held the bag high in the air and said:
'well not this time!" and he handed it to me.

I was surprised because i had not asked him to do
any shopping for me and then even more surprised
the EXCITED kind of surprise
to see that he had bought me another book
just as i had finished the previous one!

So, that was my second delightful surprise for the day...



and the memory and pleasure will be there
for many days to come...

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Yesterday i was also told that Santa
has got another one coming for me
and i am supposed to forget all about it

but ...




~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

why are raincoats Yellow?

Anymore Questions ??? ...

realistic understanding?

So true
and reflects exactly how i have been feeling recenlty...

"Life has a way of testing us all.
We may feel that we have lived a long time and discovered
many answers to many questions - but, sooner or later
we will encounter an issue that baffles or bewilders us.
If we think we are strong we will discover
where we are weak. If we see ourselves as helpless
we will discover evidence that we are somehow protected.
You are no longer feeling so able to trust
what you once relied upon. Coming events, though
will bring you a greater sense of security
based on a more realistic understanding."

But what is realistic understanding?...

*********

Dracula's favourite

I am Dracula's
favourite blood bank vending machine.
just press 'any key' ...or even not
and there comes his desired daily requirement
gushing out and a lobotomy the cherry on top

I just can't reconcile and am very frustrated
with the paradox of a clearly and systematically
developing fact that in order to live
i must practically ...not live
and in order to get better
i must not try to get better with any of the things
or the ways that used to work before
because now they seem to be causing
or compounding the existing problems
so i just have to hold on to the fragile branch
of my dear life and hung out precariously
over the deep valley waiting for it to brake...

I can't see the point...


Will catch up later when feeling better.

perseverance

Gees that water was cold this morning!



But being a persistent girl as i am and for the sake
of good health you should have seen how hard
i both flogged and then drowned the proverbial horse...

Before long though i ended up feeling like a pet rock



flailing seaweed arms and legs in the air and the water
and finally got out of the water half done.
Now wouldn't a day off been preferable?
hard to say...lol! ...I had to try anyway...

Busy

I am well ......
..well sort of well and sort of not...not sure
but this does'nt really matter

I will be busy for the next few days
so......if you miss me ...
i will ......not be here!

Financial crisis measures

cut off

When no email arrives when logging on
and none for a while after
there is a distinct feeling that arises in me
similar to the first few moments when discovering
the electricity has just been cut off...



Thank goodness for the Bloggs!...

...and someone has just turned the lights on! :) :)

temporary relief

Small temporary reprieve from a very uncomfortable
situation that has heavily plagued our home recently.

Dont know how long it will last
until heads are back in hell's bucket again
but for now i am very relieved...

little beauty

My little beauty has had many unsuccessful attempts
to produce an offspring during the last couple of years.

In the first year she produced 3 long thin shoots
but they soon dried out.
She tried again the next year with another 4
but they too did not last very long.

Since moving in our new home she has been happy
on the kitchen window seal bathed by the morning sun light
and watered daily from the rinsing sink kitchen bowl
which is obviously rich in live nutrients,
so a couple of months earlier, out of no where
and in the middle of the winter she surprised me
with a nice long white flower with light purple hue
and yellow pollen on its stem



but alas nothing came out of this either.

A few weeks earlier i noticed a small rice size
green bump in between her bottom outer leaves
which developed daily imperceptibly
into something that looks like a baby's new tooth.

Now though i can see the unmistakable shape of
a miniature little beauty looking exactly like her Mum!

Oh she looks so cute, that i giggle inwardly
every time i look at her.

So far she looks very healthy and very determined
and of course she has caused her mum to lean over so much
to the side to make space for her to grow
so that one day she will look exactly like her mum
only much younger and prettier!



Soon i shall have to find her a place of her own
where she will be able to display
her pretty little self in all its glory!

Her name is Druid